The real Jennifer Shepard
by Last.one.02
Summary: A look into one night with Jennifer Shepard. She is tired of being uptight director and even for one night, she let's herself be free. She can be, who she wants to be.
1. Chapter 1

Jenny Shepard reached home after long hours in MTAC running ops to get La Grenouille. Tony was undercover, some other agents all over the world were after him, he was watched so closely and yet, she couldn't reach him. She hated that man for it.

Truthfully, she should even be thankful to him. Thanks to him Jenny ended up in NCIS, met Jethro and finally became the first female director of federal agency. She has reached high and she knows it. It's all because that arms dealer killed her father. That's the reason she is that ice-queen from the outside.

Determination is just one word to describe Jenny, when she is chasing her personal obsession. Little did everyone else know, that it was caused by many other things beside La Grenouille. She was not so determined to catch the man, but also to bury herself to work, because it's all she had now. She had personal life, but there was no man in her life. At some point there was, but she left. She was scared of the feelings she had for Jethro and looking at his record with woman, there was nothing that said that they were going to work. She could have been just another ex-wife or ex-girlfriend. She was scared of failure. And then there would have been nothing, because she had blown her chance to accomplish her mission. Yeah, she had thought of possibilities before she left.

Jenny was tired, when she closed the front door, but she didn't want to waste the evening again. She wanted to do something she used to do all the time, before the job offer came and she was home alone. Now, it didn't happen so often that she had free time and chance to do something for herself.

The first thing she did was throw her suitcase on the floor. It made a lot of noise, but she didn't care. Papers don't break so easily. Beside she has done enough work for one day already. This could wait for tomorrow.

Her heels came off next. Yes, she liked her heels, but in office, otherwise, she preferred flat tennis shoes. People might not believe it, but it's the truth. But the same there are not many people, who know it and have seen her in anything but high heels.

Jenny went to her bedroom and changed the clothes. Her jacket fell on the bed with pants. She undid the buttons on her shirt and threw it next to other clothes. She found her old pink t-shirt with teddy bears on it. Without a second thought she put that on. It was loose on her slender figure. The next thing she saw were her gray jeans. Now she only wore blue ones and occasionally, when she did shopping or went for a walk. She looked at the old jeans and slipped them on. She put her pink belt with silver stripes on and closed the closet.

She walked to the mirror and looked at herself. The reflection from the mirror was not the director of NCIS, it was Jennifer Shepard. At that moment, those two were completely different persons. The director of NCIS would never look like that in public, in office nor on the streets. She even doesn't let Noemi see her like that. She almost felt like a different person.

Jenny walked back to the closet, when she felt a wave of cold air hit her. She opened the doors and looked for a sweatshirt. She found one. It was green hoody. She remembered buying it from Paris one night, when she was cold. Jethro didn't say anything about it. He probably didn't even remember, that she had a hoody. She wore it in front of him just once. But he might even remember, because there was a text on it and it said "Kiss me, 'cause I'm cute." and a picture of dog. He kissed her that night, she remembers.

The hoody still looked good on her, she decided after a moment in front of the mirror. There she was in her gray jeans, pink t-shirt and green hoody. It fit to her, like she does that every day. But the fact is, that she doesn't wear things like that often. Merely once per months, just to make sure, she isn't the icy woman she has to be inside the NCIS building. To make sure, she had kept her promise not to let job change her. She said that to herself before accepting the director's position.

She entered the bathroom and removed her make-up. She splashed the water over her face and she felt good. She looked at her reflection and it was strange. She couldn't remember the last time she looked at herself and she wasn't wearing make-up. To be honest, then Jenny even didn't like putting on make-up and wearing that every day. She liked walking around naturally, but unfortunately her job makes her obligated to look perfect at any moment.

She went down the stairs into the living room. She put on the radio and danced. It was familiar song, but she didn't actually recognize it. It was until the chorus came.

_Stop right Now Thank you very much  
>I need somebody with a human touch<br>Hey you always on the run  
>Gotta slow it down baby, gotta have some fun <em>

Spice Girls – of course. They were popular, when she worked in Paris and in London before it. In the UK, the Spicemania was very powerful. She personally liked them too, but somewhere in Egypt and Eastern Europe, the Spice Girls fan inside of her died. Maybe because they broke up or maybe because music wasn't one of her mayor concerns at that time. But hearing the song lyrics came to her mind, the image of them performing on TV came vividly to her eyes and her body danced as she did many years ago in her London apartment, when no-one was around.


	2. Chapter 2

The music changed. Instead of Spice Girls, Cutting crew took over. Other memories came to her. These were not the happy ones, like Spice Girls was. She listened to the song.

_Oh I, I just died in your arms tonight  
>It must've been something you said<br>I just died in your arms tonight  
>Oh I, I just died in your arms tonight<br>It must've been some kind of kiss  
>I should've walked away, I should've walked away <em>

Jenny didn't realize she was crying, when a teardrop fell on the floor. She quickly turned off the radio, but it was too late. The memories were already there. She remembered Jethro – the love, the passion, the kisses and silent communication... She remembered feeling safe in his arms after making love and the warmth inside of her, when they walked along the Seine hand-in-hand and she knew, that he was hers at the time.

As the memories took over, she knew that she still loved Jethro. She loved him like in Paris. It was selfless love, that she threw away, twice. Once in Paris and once during her first day as the director. That was the one time she broke her promise. And she regrets it.

She fell on the floor by the couch. She brought her knees to her chest and rested her head over the knees. She wrapped her hands around her legs and she let herself cry. She hid herself from the world. Her salty tears made the jeans wet and her face even paler as usual. But she didn't care at the moment.

Despite the fact, that people think of her as icy person with no feelings, she actually is very warm and caring person. She just hides the real self from the world, because it's easier that way. They can think that she is cold and determined and frozen, but that's a lie. But the same that imago gives her respect and fear in the building. She knows it. Sometimes people run, when they hear her heels clicking. She doesn't actually like it, but the same it makes things easier. Besides she is the director and workers should be scared of her. It's how things should be.

20 minutes later Jenny finally collected herself. All the tears had fallen on her jeans and these will leave stains for sure. But it's not one of her concerns. Jenny wiped her tears away and rose from the floor. She looked at the time and it was 2 am already.

It didn't matter that it was 2 am, she was hungry. Jenny went to the kitchen and opened the fridge. She took the juice box and drank it. Her eyes scanned the inside of the fridge. Almost everything was her usual healthy food. She has to keep an eye on her figure, so she can't allow herself to eat everything she wants to.

Finally she found ice-cream. That was something she'd like to have tonight. She took the spoon and sat behind the table. She let the cold sweet go down her throat without thinking about the extra calories she doesn't need. She just ate.

It took her some time, but she finished eating. It was late and she was tired, so she decided to go to bed. It felt like the right decision. Sleep in her eyes she climbed the stairs. On half-way she started laughing. Out of nowhere, she just burst into laughter, merely an hour after crying.

The funny part is that she dressed up in her own home just to dance, cry and eat. And she had to dress up for that. And if she hadn't dressed up like that, then she probably would have read the papers, signed some of them and went to the bed. That simple. She needed those clothes to be herself. To remember, who she is and what's fun.

The bedroom door was open and her clothes were on the bed still. Jenny took her pajamas out and changed again. She put on a pair of sweats and a tank top. She put her office clothes neatly on a chair and threw the jeans, t-shirt and sweatshirt to the closet, not caring how they landed.

Jenny shut the lights and climbed under the blanket. She closed her eyes and slept with a smile on her face after a long time.

She dreamed of Paris, Jethro, dancing, music... Memories of happy times from the past were in her dreams. She saw her mother, her childhood playmates, school, her crazy things, falling in love... It was like a fast track of her life, leaving out all the sadness she has to fight when she is awake.


	3. Chapter 3

The alarm clock woke Jenny up. She slept well, but not for long. Somehow she felt different that morning. She was sleepy, but she opened her eyes and took a look at the room. Nothing was different.

She went to the bathroom and took a quick shower. She felt good and sang while showering. Spice Girls songs were stuck in her head and they had to get out somehow.

After shower she went to the bedroom and picked her outfit for the day. She went with black suit and dark purple jumper with white button-up shirt underneath. She looked herself from the mirror and found that she looked good – official and polite.

Then she did her make-up. The part she disliked the most. Unlike most of the women, Jenny preferred her natural look – it was easier, cheaper and better for the skin. Still, she used the mascara and creams to make her face look perfect. The red lipstick added volume to her looks and she was satisfied.

She descended the stairs and went to the kitchen. The spoon on the counter made her smile for a moment. She made coffee and a sandwich. She ate in silence until she noticed her driver pulling in. It was time to go to work.

She placed the dishes in the sink and went to hallway. She picked out a pair of black heels that fit her suit and took the briefcase from the floor.

The doorbell rang.

Jenny took her coat and went to the door. Melvin was waiting there.

"Good morning, director," younger agent greeted.

"Morning, Melvin," Jenny said.

"Are you ready ?" Melvin asked.

"Yes. Let's go," Jenny said.

"Yes, ma'am," Melvin said.

Jenny locked the door and followed Melvin out to the car. She put her serious face on and started the role of director. From the moment she put on her suit, she became the director of NCIS and stopped being just Jennifer Shepard.


End file.
